Cannot believe Ava is 9 months old! X
"As hard as it is to believe, sometimes goodbyes are really forever."
Here’s the thing, I wanted to write to you and say, I hope you’ve found your happiness like I’ve found mine. I wanted to thank you for teaching me quite a few valuable lessons when it comes to being in a relationship. Because of you, I’ve learnt to stand up for myself and not be walked all over but at the same time because of you I often shut those I love out in the fear of getting hurt. I wanted to write in this letter how I wouldn’t of changed a thing because it’s got where I am today. But there is something I would change, the day I left would’ve been on my terms not yours. The days after I left wouldn’t of been hearing from you about how you wouldn’t give a shit if I died. The weeks after I left wouldn’t have even had you in them toying me along. And the months after I left would definitely have you completely gone. I was a fool for letting you hang around for so long. You know my favourite day of them all is when I finally cut off all ties with you, there was no way for you to contact me and bring me down anymore. That was my favourite day. The weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, you were gone and I was free. That day was when I could finally move on completely and I did. Now you may think I can’t have moved on if I’m writing this because I’m obviously still thinking of you but truth me told someone else brought you up recently and it got me thinking and I realized something.. When I think of you, it’s just blank, emptiness. You know most people can look back on parts of their life and remember some good times but I don’t or more like can’t when it comes to you. The miserable, making me feel like shit times out weigh any happiness I ever had with you by far. So ten years ago, when you first asked me to be your girlfriend all the way to this very moment.. There is not one single good memory. Except for the look on your face that night when we were both at the same club, when you realized I had moved on and no longer needed you in my life. So here’s to you, may someone make a difference in your life like you did mine.
When someone becomes the exact person they swore they never would 😠
I’m often reminded of the past that I’d sometimes much rather forget. But as I’m reminded I do wonder where I would be if I didn’t make the choices I did. Don’t get me wrong I’m so glad I did make those choices but I do wonder if I’d still be stuck in the same rut going around and around in circles or if I would’ve broken free in another way, at another time.
All I can say is I’m so happy I did break free when I did, I have second guessed my choices before but when I really think about the place I was in, I was miserable. And I am so happy now, yeah I have my moments but the life that I’ve chosen or that chose me is amazing.
I have a man that loves me unconditionally, even if we fight within 20 minutes everything is ok again (no matter how hard I try to stay mad) he works hard to try give me and us the life we want. And together we have the most beautiful daughter, I really couldn’t ask for anything more.